Healing after loss requires taking responsibility for your heart. This reality can be hard to hear, especially when your pain wasn’t your fault yet the burden falls on you to heal from it.

Although this may sound horribly unfair, it’s actually the best news you can hear after loss because it means healing is possible. Your pain may have been caused by circumstances outside of your control, but your healing is completely within your control.

If you are willing to embrace the power you have over your own heart, healing is not only possible, but inevitable.

These four agreements are the exact agreements I made with myself to define the role I needed to play in my healing and they served as a North Star time and time again on my healing journey.

I hope they help you see your ability to heal in a new light and inspire you to begin taking the first steps toward healing your heart after loss.

Agreement #1: Although I cannot control my circumstances or others, I can control my attitude, choices, and behaviors.

I have the ability to determine my responses, effort, and planning – even when my feelings blindside me and feel stronger than I am or circumstances and others make my choices difficult ones (A difficult choice is not the same as no choice). I do not have to be a slave to my reactions. My healing is mine to actuate; no person or circumstance can do my healing for me nor keep my healing from me. My heart is my responsibility.

Agreement #2: It is up to me to ask for help when I need it.

It is not anyone else’s job to read my mind, anticipate my needs, or make things easier for me. Since healing requires connection and relationship with others, I will be open to allowing others to walk alongside me as this is not a journey I can complete on my own. I will honor ‘seasons of receiving’ in my life and wisely and intentionally create the support system I need for the time I need it.

Agreement #3: I will be patient with myself, even if no one else is.

Time does not heal all wounds, but time is certainly a factor in healing. I will be compassionate toward myself, giving myself grace, and repeatedly allowing myself space to learn, grow, and adapt. I will not give up on myself or my heart and I will not compare my healing journey to others.

Agreement #4: I will nurture my healing daily.

I will pay attention to my physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and relational health intentionally and consistently. Healing is not an event, it is a lifestyle. Healing is not accomplished, it is cultivated. I will not place unrealistic demands on myself, lie to myself, break promises to myself, neglect nor abuse myself. I will require neither too little nor too much of myself. I am worth this life long consideration.

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Not sure where to begin to start healing? Start with a FREE Grief Guide. It’s the best first step you can take.

What resonated with you about these agreements?

Send me an email to Rachel@thegriefgal.com. I’d love to know